I Choose to Stay

On September 10, 2015 I lost my father to suicide. On September 11th Derek and I were with friends in Salt Lake when I got the phone call I never thought that I would ever get. A whole day had passed before I even found out, and I was the first out of my family to know. I remember calling my mom uncontrollably crying and not being able to breathe to break her the news. The car ride from Salt Lake to Eden felt like the longest car ride I had ever been on. My parents are divorced and my dad had lived with my grandma. That night we went to her house and many family were there but I felt like my body was there but my soul wasn't. I grabbed a picture of me and him and held it to my chest as I rocked back in forth in his chair. Everyday its hard to grasp the reality that he is truly gone. I pick up the phone countless times to look at his number and wanting to dial it just to hear his voice. With our wedding coming up the thought of just knowing my dad won't be there kills me every time I think about it. I still don't know why he chose to leave this earth but I'm blessed to have such an amazing guardian angel to watch after me. 

In 2014 we lost Dereks cousin to suicide as well, she was 17. Suicide has become a serious issue and we need to do all that we can to prevent it. Stay Wear Clothing is a company that has a causes line that for every purchase they will donate 10% to local non-profit programs focused on suicide prevention. With companies like this I know that one day suicide will be less of an issue. If you know anyone who suffers from depression or has suicidal thoughts, be there for them. Show them your love and that you care. Prove to them that life is hard but it is worth it to stay. #ichoosetostay

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Simplicity

I never use to go to Provo, EVER. But when I started dating Derek and with him living in Lehi we are always going down there. And me thinking of photos, I'm always on the lookout for cool walls to take pictures next too! And this pink garage door is now one of my favorites! So of course I had to take my friend Charissa to take pictures with it! I love how it made this adorable skirt pop out. My sister in law and mother in law gave it to me and I love the simplicity yet classy look that it has to it. I have a closet filled with color but lately I am drawn to all white and black everything! "Wearing black is like a funeral for my fat." Hahaha especially since this chick is working her buns off to fit in her wedding dress! But you can never go wrong with wearing a simple outfit that you feel comfortable in! One more day till the weekend! Love you all!

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Save the Date

August 18th, 2016 I get to marry the man I have been in love with for over 2 years! It has been a long time coming and I cannot wait to be his Mrs. Dress is being made, Invitations hand painted, found our florist, meeting with the lady to make our cake, engagements and bridals set up, wedding shoes picked out, guys suits picked and now starting the decorations! This whole wedding planning is stressful but it is so much fun. Cant wait to see it all come together and to take thats boys last name! 

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Forever Begins

I will never forget this day and how this sweet fiancé of mine asked me to be his girl forever! A month before we got engaged we had scheduled a photo shoot with our friend Kierstin. Just a few days after scheduling it I had a dream that at the shoot Derek proposed and I just had to tell him! For that whole month Derek had a fun time teasing me and telling me it wasn't going to happen for awhile. My heart was set on him proposing at our shoot and I wanted it to happen so bad but never told him that I expected it. April 23rd came, we woke up early and started getting ready and of course it started pouring rain. Kierstin and I decided to wait for a day where it was sunny. It was a day where everything seemed like it was going wrong and having one of my girl moments I didn't want to leave the house because I hated everything I put on. Derek just kept saying "Today is going to get better." 

We decided to take my brother Deston to see The Jungle Book. During movies Derek hardly moves and his eyes are always glued to the tv, we go to the movies A LOT! But this time was different, he was super fidgety and couldn't concentrate. At one point he pulled his phone from his pocket and whispered to me "Someone called me, I will call them after the movie." The movie got done and he called the number back. He was walking ahead of me and Deston and talking super quiet, so I was doing what I could to ease drop haha. He got off the phone and told me that my brother Skyler was at the club house and that James his friend was heading there to play ping pong and wanted us to come. They NEVER go to the clubhouse so when he told me that I started to laugh, looked at Deston and he laughed and was like "Yeah we are going to the clubhouse." I just kept thinking what is happening. 

We got in the car and started heading back to my house. It was a 20 minute drive of Derek nervous word vomiting and I knew something was up! We pulled up to the club house and ran to the front door. We kept knocking to be let in but no one was answering the door. Sky ran from around back to tell us that the front door was broken and we had to go around back. We got to the back door and Skyler opened it, as soon as he did I could see the trail of rose pedals and immediately started crying. I was in shock and was frozen by the door to the point where Derek had to grab my hand and pull me through! He grabbed the ring on the table, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. And of course I said yes!! In the weight room was my family and his family watching and Kierstin was there to capture such a special moment for us. Derek did such an amazing job with everything and I still can't believe we are engaged! Wedding planning so far has been stressful but so fun and I cannot wait to marry that handsome man of mine! We have so many friends and family who have shown us nothing but love and support and we are so truly blessed! 

Floral & Bell Bottoms

Recognize these pants? I swear I have been wearing them almost everyday! They are stylish, cute and comfy but also with lifting my legs have gotten bigger so most of my pants are starting to not fit! The struggles of having muscle but still wanting to look cute haha. Every single piece of clothing I buy I now buy in a size or two bigger just so I have room to grow! Like this adorable shirt I got from Hope Ave. You guys I'm seriously so obsessed with that store, its almost problem! Theres never a time I go in there and not walk out with at least one thing! Derek doesn't like me going in there but its one of my guilty pleasures! It use to be where you had to go in the store to buy but now they officially have a website up and running! So for those of you who live out of Utah you now can get in on why I'm so obsessed! Happy Friday loves! 

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